do:ology: the study of what I'm doing

Remember to go to the new blog... I MiSS You

2011-08-12T10:45:00.000-06:00

Go Here for a New Post

2011-03-04T12:25:00.001-07:00

do-ology.com

I am setting up a new blog, you know easier to use, well, I am not as technologically savvy as I presumed. Be patient... I still want to hear from you all

well read wednesday

2011-02-09T23:55:00.003-07:00

I always have taken books when I travel. I take books anywhere. And I certainly want to appear intelligent. (yes, I am the girl who took calculus in high school so I could carry the book around) So I have hauled novels, journals, textbooks, literature anthologies... you get the idea - the deep stuff. Guess what happens? I fall asleep on the plane or the beach in the first paragraph and am not engaged one iota. So years ago before leaving for one of our first trips to St. John (favorite) Land's 3rd grade teacher handed me what she termed, "the trashy beach novel" It even had the above pictured quilted cover. I have been hooked ever since. Don't leave home without one. This novel - hmmm not quite - contained colorful story lines of all sorts of sordid adult behavior. I could blame the blushing on the sunshine and no one was more the wiser with that cute patchwork cover.

Well, light reading is awesome. Jenny had finished her quick read from the plane and passed it to me. I finished in less than four days. Entertaining? Yes. Highlighter? No Way. But the movie comes out on March 18th and I think Darren will even go to this one with me. So you have time to read "The Lincoln Lawyer" by Michael Connelly before the flick hits the big screen. You don't even need to cover this one.

my heart

2011-02-08T14:55:00.001-07:00

I'm getting ready to head to SLC for the visitation of Carmela Nielsen.

I loved her. As a teenager she was an influence, a force for all that is good to me. She was motherly, a protector, a professional, caring, smart, funny and beautiful. She was a physical therapist at my dad's clinic at Holy Cross. I hear her scolding me, with love, about the importance of being on time, about wearing socks with my shoes to work. About presenting myself with confidence, about standing up straighter. Where else does one learn these lessons? In the years since I worked at the clinic whenever I would see her she would light-up. Is that not the most incredible feeling - when some is physically brightened by your presence? She was joyous, her voice was full of depth and reflected the character deep inside her. I was fascinated by the stories of her life, of serving in the Israeli army. She taught me about treating all people with dignity (the homeless that would sometimes enter the clinic and she would say, "prepare a hotpack and let them have a place to rest"), about sucking it up and doing your job (when I would balk at cleaning the whirlpool after a burn victim may have been treated). Love and safety are the words that fill my mind today. I miss you. I want to be like you.

well read wednesday

2011-02-02T20:11:00.012-07:00

While basically living on the floor of our closet last spring, due to renovations incurred as the result of a burst pressure valve in the upstairs bedroom I picked up Derrick Jensen's The Culture of Make Believe from the library. It was 700 pages long. I liked the heft of it. The cover was dark and curious. I started on page one and read at least 10 pages a day, in the closet. It was neither reward nor punishment for living in the closet. I just wanted to see if I could do it. It was finished by June. And I was moved and confused by the contents... not even sure of what the title meant... but certain I wanted more. I gave Chase a copy of Walking on Water and he started into Endgame after completing that. His adviser at U of M said he may need intense counseling if he sinks into Derrick Jensen's words. Well, I've had intense counseling and Derrick Jensen's writing is brutal yet brilliant. When dropping Chase off at Uni last August I perused the shops along Higgins Street in Missoula. I picked up some worsted woolen at Joseph's Coat and A Language Older Than Words at Shakespeare and Co. I liked the heft of it and the image on the cover. And when I read the inside leader that unspoken communication with animals was the genesis of this book I was committed. I thought it might be light. Wrong. This book is terrifying and uplifting. His reasoning is harsh most times, but I came away with renewed compassion... for myself, for my family, for life. From the beginning I read with a highlighter in my hand and I don't think a page was missed. The first phrase underlined, "Try it yourself. Listen to someone, pay attention to where your thoughts take you. It actually feels different to hear than to think." And one night almost simultaneously I was flipping through the channels and stopped on Democracy Now where I caught Amy Goodman interviewing the author calling him "the poet-philosopher of the environmental movement" and reading this passage...

"There is a language older and by far deeper than words. It is the language of the earth, and it is the language of our bodies. It is the language of dreams and of action. It is the language of meaning, and of metaphor... This language of symbol is the umbilical cord that binds us to the beginning to whatever source of who we are, where we come from, and where we return."

I took it as a sign. Sometimes you lose your intuition just trying to survive. That peace and still small voice. You are blinded to your responsibilities even in sorrow and anguish and grief. I am motivated by the deep dark questions and the word. Thanks to a philosopher-poet for the leading me back to both.

Glimpse my yarn being spun at Joseph's Coat. I would enter that store many times when the boys were babies, mouth watering at the many colors, now, knowing how to knit, I finally make a purchase.

Just spied this crazy good find at crazy sexy life... it sort of goes along with the book. What is the "goal" of our civilized society?

life is what happens when you're not blogging...

2011-01-26T21:32:00.006-07:00

I didn't get the tree put up until 5 days before Christmas. The boys reluctantly helped decorate. They think a Festivus pole would be a better solution. And then I hear from a another parent, "Chase and Oscar were so incredibly helpful. They put up the tree and set the ornaments while I wrapped presents." I am glad to know they pitch in where needed.

The celebrations started when Chase arrived home from Missoula. Good to see that son of mine. U of M agrees with him. We drove to Henefer to start the holiday off attending Grandpa Edison's party. (gotta love his name). Grandpa is 92. And as with it as ever. Sharp sense of humor.

We played "Minute to Win It" games. My aunts and uncles all laugh with "gusto." It is infectious. Look at all those children... the family tree is blooming. Wasn't it just last year we were the kiddos playing games and running through the church hide and seeking?

I'm going to explain the above photos. 1- Cousins holding cousins (no, they are not married - that happens on the other side of the family. It is just my cousins who are bro and sis holding their latest offspring). 2- My dad is texting, not Land. 3- The wall of men (seriously, was that stage going to fall without them) and (I am not cowboy but I come from cowboy.) I miss my mom so deeply at these gatherings, but I have this strong sense of well-being and belonging when I am around her (my) family.

Generations

Christmas Eve was welcomed with a feast. Family and friends. I perfectly executed the gravy this year. First time ever... my mom always did it before. Our Olsen four had watched "Pirate Radio - the Boat that Rocked" a few days before and so we played the "name game" that they played in the movie. My dad and Chase planned the guesswork and we took turns giving clues. Above you see Chase, and then Natalie (newly graduated and the freshest morning reporter for the NBC affiliate in Boise) and then Oscar (the beloved - he and his mom and brother Oscar joined us. Their house flooded just two days before - yuck, I know how that goes), and then Spencer, and then you see the whole gang, mostly. Miles and his guests were sick, and tried to relax in the other room, Land and Dallas went upstairs and conquered some video games. Norman Rockwell we aren't but it will do.

Christmas morning is mellow when you have young adults. Come on already, wake up! Darren received a new dive computer and my dad's freaky toes didn't quite fit into the five fingers. Land received a new Monopoly board and so the afternoon was filled with real estate transactions.

After Christmas THE FERGUSSON'S ARRIVED. It's always a jolly holiday with the good folks from down under. I'm telling you since I just saw them in July I felt like we were neighbors. They are a big part of our family. Our agenda then became skiing. Someone built a behemoth Frosty to greet us in the canyon.

The Land Man took us on adventures through the trees and deep pow. At one point I didn't know if I could find the rest of Ella.

Myself and Jenny looking good (ha). I was skiing all aggressive thinking I was susie chapstick and made a spectacular fall ending with my helmeted head smacking whiplash downhill. Unfortunately, it was right under the lift and the birds-eye viewing audience could not control their commentary and laughter. Soon we heard, "Oh, we're sorry, we didn't know you were old." The nerve.

Skiing is just too awesome. We had powder days, corduroy days, freezing days, rainy days, and blizzard days, and brilliant sunny days. Put in my time at Beaver and at Alta. Sigh as we watch the sun set leaving the resort

Peace.

ottoman marathon

2010-12-21T10:06:00.001-07:00

I taught interior materials at USU this semester and as the final project I had them create their own upholstered ottomans... 8-way hand tied springs, Turkish corners, staple guns, hog rings, etc. It was all possible because John at Rocky Comfort is patient and talented and hosted the workshop at his shop in Logan. (480 W. 1400 North #12). It took 3, 10 hour days to get the whole class through. Worth it. Yeah, my class is the coolest.

it's just the way I feel

2010-12-10T17:17:00.005-07:00

Christmas is uneasiness for me. Always has been. I'm ok with it. In my mind there are expectations and I never seem to hit the mark. I just get a bit overwhelmed by the point of it all. I do like the Christmas tree, and the fairy lights, and the cards and greetings and I do love my Harry Connick Jr. for the Holidays. (I love him year round). And 17 years ago I bought a Christmas Album that haunts and soothes me simultaneously. The Bells of Dublin by the Chieftains. One song in particular opens it up, the questions, the contradiction, the light and darkness of the season... the Rebel Jesus with Jackson Brown.

All the streets are filled with laughter and light
And the music of the season
And the merchants' windows are all bright
With the faces of the children
And the families hurrying to their homes
While the sky darkens and freezes
Will be gathering around the hearths and tables
Giving thanks for God's graces
And the birth of the rebel Jesus

Well they call him by 'the Prince of Peace'
And they call him by 'the Savior'
And they pray to him upon the seas
And in every bold endeavor
And they fill his churches with their pride and gold
As their faith in him increases
But they've turned the nature that I worship in
From a temple to a robber's den
In the words of the rebel Jesus

Well we guard our world with locks and guns
And we guard our fine possessions
And once a year when Christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why there are poor
They get the same as the rebel Jesus

Now pardon me if I have seemed
To take the tone of judgment
For I've no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In a life of hardship and of earthly toil
There's a need for anything that frees us
So I bid you pleasure
And I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel Jesus

PS: I'm not saying I can't figure out the real meaning of the season... got it. (for me at least) Are there not any of you out there who question let's say, hmmmm, Santa? I am totally moved by the Hallelujah Chorus, but am equally amused by Tim Burton holiday poetry (stick boy's festive season). Well maybe not equally. Like I said I am ok with the uneasiness and contradiction.

thanks-living

2010-12-04T02:46:00.001-07:00

nice hat

Bye Bye Khloee - Good Dog

2010-11-23T18:03:00.002-07:00

Khloee and Land 1998

The Khloster, Kloking Device, KoKo, Kleo, KloMonster, Lola, Girly Girl has now left us. We are so sad. Land was four when we she came to our family... now he is 18. He and Chase had a childhood buddy. She was crazy and kooky. A lab who hated water, who was alpha-female and tore into other dogs, usually winning the smackdown. She has flown out of the back of a pickup and been run over by one. She always would sit in front of every house she lived in and bark at trucks, chase them down. What a good guard dog... our house was never hit by a truck. She stole stuff from the neighbors yards. She was put under citizen's arrest and went to court. But, the girl was great to kids, and she was loyal and cute and good. Well Done Khloee Dog.

So this Thanksgiving we are thankful for Khloee!

Cheers!

2010-11-17T19:16:00.003-07:00

I received a phone call yesterday from my hands-down best neighbor ever. (She lives in Massachusetts now). "A royal wedding!" Of course this would make us excited. We were young teenagers ourselves as we watched (a shared memory even though we didn't know each other then) so very early in the morning the spectacle in London so many years ago. Diana and Charles. Years later we cried together, day in and day out, over the death of Princess Diana. Neighbors and friends wondered just what was wrong with us. She sent a letter of condolence to Sarah Ferguson and received a reply on engraved stationary. We could hardly catch our breath. Sadness and disbelief. I set out the "alter" as Darren calls it. Books of the wedding gown, of the royal family, of the palaces, newspaper clippings, stamps. I copied her clothing. My grandmother gifted me a sapphire ring from an estate sale so similar to that engagement ring. Never mind that it isn't real, she had no idea at the time how much I treasured it and still do. My obsession remained during study abroad in London when I was 19. We stayed right across from Kensington Palace and you bet that when we heard that helicopter landing we would rip out of the hostel and try to catch a glimpse. Duchess of Kent at the time and some other lesser known royals were all we caught. I think that my royal friend and I should go. Can you imagine the eye rolling from our husbands? Ahhhh, I feel young again...

cut short

2010-11-10T13:49:00.003-07:00

Pretty harsh on myself last week. I mean I didn't get one post in. Felt like I did nothing. Nevermind that I am on our local Bioneers steering committee and the conference was all day Friday and Saturday. And that the Aggies played basketball Friday night and football Saturday. And that it was the last soccer game and I needed to set the lucky jello. And that I had invited my true soul friend Leslie to do some true soul poetry readings at Bioneers. She came all the way down from Idaho Falls and brought her daughters and grandbabies and husband and son-in-law and we feasted on delivered pizza and gooood conversation. Bioneers is a spiritual retreat for me. The women who speak, speak to that deep part of me, the woman I want to become. I'm always incredibly fed and enthused at the end of the conference. So Sunday morning I wanted to connect with the fam. I suggested a short hike in the canyon to see the last days of autumn... before the storm set in. We made it to the turn off to spring hollow and that was it. The boys refused to get out of the car. They (and I) were tired and cranky and it felt forced. I jumped out and snapped a photo at the bridge and pouted back down the canyon. We did take a detour. We saw a brush covered sign that said USU ropes course. Less than a mile from the house. Weird stuff up there. A lot of left over junk from research projects. We named the mud huts the peyote dens. When we finally returned home I thought I'd read and ended up napping three hours. The exhaustion catching up to me. I should have known. Even the sunlight is rationing its gaze.

ReMix

2010-10-27T11:57:00.003-06:00

Last week was Fashion Remix. I got my fancy dress on, bought some sexy high heels and wore nude tights with a octopus 'tattoo' stenciled on them. Ksenia and I made the drive, along with a caravan of a whole lot of design students, to SLC. Upon entering the venue the gentleman at the door said after hearing that I had left my ID in the car, "It's obvious you're over 35 so go on in." Friends have suggested I wear more lycra next time. Utah State had a dress in the runway show under the direction of professor Darrin Brooks. You see, it goes down like this; each design company is paired with a manufacturer, such as tile, carpet, textiles, laminate etc. and they must creatively create a high fashion 'outfit' USU drew Humanscale, which produces office furnishings - chairs, lights, systems furniture. How do you make a dress out of a chair? Well, they did an amazing job. Lots of hard work, I've been up on campus seeing it take form. And guess what? They won the whole shebang!

Here is the dress. Nekku modeled it perfectly, the stomacher is a chair back tied with electrical cords, the pannier is made from chair legs and LED desk lamps. The fabric is office chair "mesh" very stiff and difficult to work with. The leggings are chair fabric also tied again with cords from the lamps. Just Beautiful!

Here is little Miss Spunky with the Presiding Bishop of the LDS church and Spencer Eccles at the opening of a new facility of Primary Children's Hospital. This was in the paper last spring while she was staying at the all too familiar hospital.
So I say she deserves the first piece of cake.

A great night. The proceeds were for Cystic Fibrosis. My niece has a daughter with CF. Let me tell you this little firecracker could rule the world. She loves fashion, and hair styles, and talking. She is a super spokesperson for this disease and when she is older I'm sure she'll be "rockin' the runway." So if you're able, donate to Cystic Fibrosis to find a cure. You don't even have to dress up.

Salute

2010-10-19T19:23:00.001-06:00

The EAGLE has LANDed

soccer, as in life

2010-10-15T13:14:00.004-06:00

Darren's soccer players make me happy. Some he has coached since they were 10 years old. They are men now approaching 18. I still chill "lucky jello" before each game. The majority of the team have family in Mexico. What a privilege to get to know their stories. Driving them to Salt Lake for a game a few weeks ago I asked them to tell me about the cities and towns they come from. What richness and excitement. Tales of the architecture and amazement that is Mexico City. An 18 meter raised highway and a giant flag were captured on their cell phones and shared with me. They include me. Have even offered that I could "tag along" to Mexico one day. One young man joined the army last week. A 3.7 grade point average, 5 AP classes passed, a full-time job. Another young man wants to be a pediatrician. Another is a completely different soul after being baptized into a Christian church. I was immersed in in his conversion story. Another lost his brother and sister and cousin in a car accident. He broke his back and cracked his skull, wide open. Do you not want to just go and hold his mother? They are all fairly sheltered, polite and upstanding. They bring their younger siblings to the games if they are babysitting. They ride their bikes. Staying at Darren's parents in SLC walking home from a Real Salt Lake game they were terrified of the neighborhood. I giggled. And so last night at a game I was so disappointed with some behavior. Parents from the opposing team taunted them from the sideline. "Whoa, we better call the cops, I bet they have switchblades." Are you kidding me? "At least we don't fall down like little Mexicans." The coach yelled out, "That's not racist it is just stating the obvious." Now, I can't pretend that I have never been racist. I grew up in Utah without much diversity. My mother grew up in a town that she said at the time had, "one Lutheran." I am awful at Aggie football games. I shouldn't be allowed to sit so close to the opposing team. I catch myself being rude in the "name of humor" more often than I should be. I have learned over the years that it is usually ignorance and fear of difference. But, I have also learned that listening to the person's story is more powerful than a sledgehammer in breaking down barriers. I ran out to the refs after the game and stated, "You can't let intimidating words change the game like that. They are not simply "Mexicans" they are young men playing soccer." They tied the game. They handled themselves like men. They were joyous. Words are power - for good and for bad.

At the end of August Luma Mufleh, coach of the Fugees, spoke for convocation. I had read "Outcasts United" at the suggestion of a friend. The students gave her a standing ovation. I had chills. She spoke about feminism, racism, America, truly a land of opportunity. A Muslim woman finding a strong purpose, guiding and loving and coaching refugee children and families through this new life in America. She didn't sugarcoat or gloss over the struggles. I was inspired. I wish I put words into action more often in my life.

the team playing Africa United, a refugee team from SLC

(they were not playing this team when the above described incident happened)

don't you wish you could run like that?

keeping an eye on the ball

the look on all their faces is priceless.

COOL

Like I said, words are power... words into action... goooooaaaaaalllllllllllll.

How do they do it?

2010-10-12T09:32:00.003-06:00

"How many ADD skateboarders does it take to dig a hole?" Let's go skate"

A friend once wrote in her holiday card about her children, "They make me laugh, they make me cry and they do it over and over again." Amen. Teenagers induce my stomach to ache. Mine in particular. My teenager that is, oh, I guess my stomach too.
But sometimes, they take my breath away. And the Saturday before last was one of those moments. (I won't say they are rare, but come unexpectedly) Land decided upon returning home from being down and out and under that he would like to complete his Eagle Scout. (huhhhhhh?) Ok. And he decided that trees for shade for shady characters needed to be planted at the city skatepark. Ok. Nevermind that we have talked to the city for years about shade, and lights, and "facilities." No, not now, no money. But he must of hit them up on the right day, because they simply stated yes, go ahead. We will donate a few trees, but you need to raise the funds for the rest. And within a week he had enough to buy 22 trees! What? He made a flyer and a few phone calls. The skate shop put the word out on facebook and 50+ people showed up to dig the holes. Wellsville ward, Logan ward, friends young and old, skateboarders, random people wandering by. Overwhelming for sure. Gratitude. Certainly. The skateshop brought some product and held a mini-sesh. The kids rested in the shade afterwards. That Land.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" To help Land with his Eagle" thanks Camber

dunc's big swim

2010-09-23T10:50:00.003-06:00

the Fergusson's, Olsen's, and Adam's @ Bryce Canyon, Ut. New Year's Day 2009

We are jumping for joy for that man in the back in the purple shirt. Our friend's friend, who is now our friend from Australia completed the English Channel, swimming that is. And I said Channel, not Chunnel. This is cool, literally. While we were in Sydney, Duncan was swimming the harbor for 6-8 hours at a stretch, with a shark detractor, all before dinner. Dedication I tell you. I was so excited when I saw a message on my computer, "Dee, Duncan made the channel this morning. Aussie flag flying" I shouted it out to all the homecoming attendees finishing off the night in the pool.

shared experience

2010-09-22T11:53:00.004-06:00

My little sis and I installed "matching" commercial style ranges in our new kitchens. You should see and hear us on the phone sharing our shared experience, "OMG, I boiled water for pasta and it was incredible." "Get out, I made four quesadillas at once." Gourmet cooks we may not be, but oh, to pretend is so much fun.

note: yes, this is my new kitchen and I am loving the fresh colors and candy glass tile and open shelves for storage and that range and range hood. Seriously, I think we need a lead collar on Khloee and small children when that thing is running full speed. Come join us in the new cooking digs - I'll throw on a quesadilla. (or four)

Holy. %&^$. #(@.

2010-09-13T12:34:00.003-06:00

Cursing in the title of a post is not the most polite form to introduce an adventure, but as we were army crawling through willows to spy Kokanee salmon resting above a beaver dam on their "to the death" spawn run a young woman poked her head in behind us and upon seeing the sea of orange exclaimed what we have termed the "phrase of the day." We were too shocked to agree, "exactly" and have been nervously laughing on and off about it all weekend; in between our ooooos and aaaaaahs and "that was cool"(s).

even the fence post squeals about the salmon

I have heard about the salmon living in Porcupine reservoir, just a few lovely driving minutes from our town (ok, so maybe thirty), but to be honest I thought the spawn run would consist of being lucky enough to spy one or two dayglo fishies swimming upstream. I was wrong. And so after 15 years in Cache Valley, I woke the family and loaded them in the car and witnessed it first person.

salmon swim steadily by grassy shore

Here is how it went down. Because we are crazy. We park at the church camp gate. A few people are leaving and point us in the direction of the river access. I immediately run down the hill and see a single salmon and I squeal with delight. Darren has to use the outdoor "facilities" but doesn't want to squeal. Land wants to walk beyond the gate and access the river further up. Land never squeals. I say I'll come right back up but as I walked up the river bank more and more salmon are speeding up the creek (without a paddle, ha). At one point a fish practically jumps into my lap and I pick him up and send him on his way above the little riffle. I even "pet" the resting pool wrigglers. And yes I am squealing each and every time I see a fish. And in between the squeals I am yelling for Darren and Land and they are all, "can she not just shut up." And I can't because I want them to be with me and see this amazing site. We finally come together and squiggle through the thicket willows and sit in awe. I'm sure our fellow salmon seekers were just overwhelmingly thrilled with my quiet adventure. But in the end, not even my squealing and screaming could out do the "phrase of the day." Thank goodness for her... my boys forgot to harass me.

water, rock, fish

crawling through the willows

I spy with my little eye - something orange

Land Man took this pic - wow

Darren spent quite a bit of time in this position - fish yoga

my tootsies resting on the bank

Land's tootsies

Darren's wet tootsies and bottom - I suppose he was trying to be a bear

pretty

The Mountain Dew ad reminds me of yesterday's Mad Men episode:

somebody please explain to me what is going on

One more glance at Land's fabulous photo

The whole OOA (double O A) or (Owesome Olsen Adventure) reminded me of this gem of a poem by Gerard Manly Hopkins; Pied Beauty:

GLORY be to God for dappled things—
  For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
    For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout (salmon) that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
  Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough;         5
    And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.
All things counter, original, spare, strange;
  Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
    With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:         10
                  Praise him.

Happy Trails

2010-09-06T23:28:00.003-06:00

My birthday fell on Saturday of the long Labor Day weekend. We went for a sweet stroll up the base of the Wellsvilles to find a blackberry patch with our good time adventure friends Mark and Jill.

Jill is observant and finds all the wildlife.

At one point together we spied five hawks at once.

Wellsville Hick

Sumptuous birthday sweetness was my gift at the destination patch.

Darren holds the prized possession.

We sat for a while to enjoy the snacks.

Mark and Darren threw rock paper scissors to see if we would continue on.

The result was affirmative.

We stopped when the trail got steep. It was 91 degrees, sweat was streaming.

The view to the west held the rock face of Stuart Peak.

The view to the east was of the valley.

Discovery closeups... feather.

Blackberries.

Blackberries on the branch in the sticky scratch briar patch.

Wildflowers still in bloom in the late late summer.

Elderberries.

Chokecherries.

Dandelion sun.

The day was topped off with a bbq of summer fresh food and a nighttime dip in the pool.

... and a scuba video.

What a satisfying day. Wish you were here.

Kickflip

2010-08-20T13:00:00.000-06:00

Busy - is that an excuse? I am learning to shoot in manual on this fancy SLR we've had for years. Land joined a class at the tech college in Australia and he described his difference as, "I was the only one who wasn't pregnant or a mum blogger wanting to post pics of the kiddos." I replied, "You probably had a lot to offer." Because clearly from the photo above he is a good model. Tried to capture the movement of the board. It's explicit in showing the "kick" in the "kickflip." This was taken on his last first day... of school that is. Love that kid.

I believe...

2010-08-02T09:13:00.005-06:00

I think my talented niece Mckell could come up with some SYTYCD worthy hip-hop moves and pull off a kick-a__ flash mop. Whattaya say Kell? Who do I believe is amazing? All my nieces, beautiful hard-working gals making a difference in the world everyday. So here's to Stac, Alt, Lex, AJ, Liza, Boss, Ec, D.O. E.O. & T.O. Nat, Tam, Kell and K-bug.

life aquatic down under down under - preview

2010-07-29T13:55:00.000-06:00

Getting to sleep at night is easy, my watery dreamworld memories:

"I'm already under and living within the ocean" rumi

random pics of an important day

2010-07-21T20:07:00.003-06:00

Photo One:

We attended the wedding celebration of our nephew Matt and his new bride Aubrey

Photo Two:

The gorgeous couple

Photo Three:

Chase and Land exchange a "brothers" look

Photo Four:
Spencer and MaryAnn enjoy a moment

Photo Five:

Stacee rocks those heels while holding a sleeping child. Pure talent

Photo Six:

My In-laws. G&G Olsen

Photo Seven:

Sean and Fairen, no longer the newest newlyweds

Photo Eight:

Aunts and nieces taking a swing

Photo Nine:

Slushy stained tongues... I want to take these two home with me

Photo Ten:

Brilliant Echo, should I say it again

home again home again jiggity jig

2010-07-14T13:01:00.002-06:00

Delirious with jet-lag.
Walloped by the experience.
I'm going to post 3 pics a day of the Land of Wonder, Land Down Under... soon
But now back to living in the middle...

Last night at the last minute I was invited to see Paul McCartney. [I won't let the fact that I was about the 20th person to be offered the ticket get me down- Carpe Diem]

Joy! A warm breeze in the outdoor arena. He played for over three hours. Blackbird is swirling in my head. I forget how powerful music is. Chills and tears hearing Let it Be:

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

You see my dear soul-sister has a daughter in need of your prayers. She graduated from high-school at the beginning of June with a sore-achy throat and in a baffling series of events is now fighting for her life. I visited Saturday night. Sweet, sweet, sun-kissed freckled sleeping Courtney. Her stillness betraying the struggle. Her status updates are here.

Our high-school quarterback has passed away. Cancer. That dreadful disease. Van was impeccable. His siblings as well. A meaningful memory from dear ol' Jordan High is tucked into my heart. Thankyou Van.

Megan's cousin's wife has passed away too. Cancer again. I had never met Krista personally, but her way of being was intoxicating. Her husband makes Boneless skate pads that a lot of the pros wear. Sort of a local legend. But many times I have been at the Layton skatepark on a Friday night when a skate jam of the "old guys" takes place... and this beautiful woman is carving the cloverbowl right along with them. I silently watch intimidated and fascinated. An outsider drawn to the energy. I have heard so many stories about how she selflessly served others all the while living "with joy."

... there will be an answer. let it be.

I'm Keen

2010-06-14T00:57:00.001-06:00

We are here in the Land Down Under. The weather is dreamy in Cairns. We board a boat tomorrow to dive the Great Barrier Reef. We are blessed and spoiled. I jokingly told Darren as we ate freshly squeezed juice and freshly caught seafood that I was "so happy" that it doesn't take much for me to "be happy." We will see the Land of Wonder Land Down Under in 10 days. Spot On! I sat on the promenade in town today and watched the tide go out. The little crabs and mud whelks scampering in the muddy flats. A one legged egret, matching the single-legged mangroves struggling to take hold. The air is addicting here. Breath deeper. Breathe deep. I went to the Cairns Regional Gallery today and soaked in the ice cream colors of Beverly Budgen. Gorgeous. We forgot our camera and so Darren is off to buy one. Just close your eyes and imagine.

friday afternoon

2010-06-06T12:10:00.000-06:00

Ok, so my house is out of commission, almost completely. I arrive home friday afternoon to find Darren and the contractors busy with important work... "let's get that scooter going." They were all, "will you go get us some pizza?" At the end of the day... scooter is running fine, house: not so much.

memorial day

2010-06-04T12:26:00.002-06:00

It's tradition as Land would say. Visit the cemeteries, cover the sacred sites with flowers, feed our hearts and bellies, visit with cousins and aunties and uncles. I look forward to it every year... just a little dizzying including my mother's grave in the tradition.

flashback

2010-05-23T13:10:00.001-06:00

Friends have been incredibly generous since our house has been out of commission. Those moments when I reach my breaking point of trekking through dust, sleeping in the closet and general malaise, it seems someone senses it and invites us to a good time gathering.

Last week we found our way to a little town in Cache Valley at Steve and Doris' house. They were our "first friends" in Montana. They moved to Canada for a few years and then we lost track of them... for 12 years. At a get-together around eight years ago we were introduced to a young man who was moving here to complete a PhD, by one of Darren's professors. Steven turned around and said, "I already know Darren and DeAnn, they were my neighbors in Missoula." Cool!

We barb-b-qued, sat by a fire, watched a Swainston hawk through the spotting scope tear the living flesh off of a mole... no need to bbq for him. Watched the horses and goats graze the pasture of the spring fresh grass and met their daughters soccer coaches' family newly visiting from Brazil.

I didn't take my camera that night, but I did find the above gem, circa 1990, from an afternoon along the Bitterroot River. Chase was the only baby around in those days. Steven and Doris look the same. Thankfully I am taking the picture, Darren looks a bit younger. Oh and you are not seeing two of Doris. It is her twin.

duck, duck.... duck

2010-05-13T11:05:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I saw one of my mom's good, best friends and her husband. A lucky bit of serendipity. And for a fleeting moment all was right with the world and how it used to be. And then I was sad because of all we're missing. This morning Khloee was barking at nothing again or so I reasoned. I went outside and there was a ducky duck duck strutting through the yard. Of course Khloee only chases other dogs and trucks and not fowl weather friends. She is a Lab for crying out loud and is scared of waterfowl and water. That makes me laugh. For a moment all was right with the world.

time since... two years

2010-05-09T13:04:00.004-06:00

Mother's day... I read my mother's obituary this day two lightening fast, agonizing current fighting years ago. Last year, lost and still in the thick of it, I fought with my husband and children. I, expecting the audacity of the impossible, them, to "fix" my aching heart.

We gathered for breakfast at the house. All my mother's sisters and sisters-in-law. They took the cooking duties away from my dad. Each one has a little flash of familiarity about them. The way they stand. Or hold their hands, or brush back their hair. They are all beautiful. We filled our bellies, and our hearts with good food and lightness. Smiling.

A visit to the cemetery. Spring flowers and birds and the warmth of the sun on exposed flesh. A connection from heaven. I am happy today.

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

-- David Whyte from Everything is Waiting for You ©2003 Many Rivers Press

Happy Mother's Day. And I blew her a kiss.

living in a tree

2010-05-04T12:07:00.004-06:00

The house repairs are overwhelming me. Dust dust dust surrounds me... our bed in the closet. Showering at the gym. I run a lot. Outside, the Bonneville Shoreline Trail, to the Nature Center, the Logan River Trail. I've watched the color luscious buds bursting. The act of creating a home I've found is a dichotomy for me. An act of treason against my ecological leanings. Tree House or House of Tree. The beauty of nature simply, contrasted with the beauty of the materials carefully selected for my home. Where to draw the line? I am contradictions... aren't we all? And this constant figuring it out is what feeds my anticipation in greeting the new day.

laundry list

2010-05-02T13:31:00.005-06:00

And so we must do the laundry at the Wash-N-Go. Darren helped load the washers, we walked over to Einsteins for a bagel and juice, and then stuffed the dryers. Then Darren left. My dryers were named Casey, Chad, and Dan. Retro rewind. As they tumbled round and round I read about culture, civilization, relationship disconnect, objectifying. My mind tumbled round and round thoughts using a laundromat as the metaphor. A sort of "third place" where I am "connecting" with the community. I smiled and said "hello" to my fellow launderers. But then I started noticing... mostly men do the washing at the "mat" or is that "Matt." My smiles attracted a little too much community connection as a gentlemen sat right next to me on an empty bench. I could hear him breath and feel his arm next to mine. I couldn't speak, but I was determined to not move even though he had clearly invaded my "space bubble" Know the rules dude. Luckily the dryers slowed to a stop and I could jump up and begin folding. He did too. Right next to Casey... I think his was called Bill... hey, all the dryers have male names... what's up with that? I folded and folded, with my head down now... no more smiles, and loaded the car with fresh-scented linen (well, mostly cotton). So much for my social experiment. I'll try again next week.

zoola tana

2010-04-29T10:58:00.007-06:00

A quick road trip by Chase and I. A transfer to a new university, a fresh adventure for my young adult son. I pointed out each and every landmark along the way... look down this canyon around this corner for a glimpse at an awesome trestle bridge... when you were two you said this at this very spot... story after memory after story... I had to keep reminding myself that this is his experience not mine this time around, but Missoula is imprinted in my psyche, my own personal road map. I raised those boys as toddlers here. I was a professional at a young age. Touring campus with my former boss I witness all the new buildings -- beautiful -- but also opened a few doors and saw my mark lingering after 17 years. "You see this colorful painted bathroom Chase" I did that. This language lab, the signs, the copy center. Yep, me. Recognizing a former self. I spent time with great friends... Kelle and I climbed the "M" and the "L" and talked forever. I don't know how to explain some friendships. They are just "rooted" and strong and safe and comfortable. And so I tried to keep this all from overwhelming Chase and let him discover it on his own. We drove home mostly silent through dirt dusted rain, spring bug hatches and herds of tumbleweeds crossing the highway. What place is road map imprinted in your memory?

child of mine

2010-04-06T08:48:00.007-06:00

at the skatepark in Avalon; photo by Billy Rielly

Empty hotel nesters is the label we give ourselves. Easter arrived dusted with sugary snowflakes. A patchwork quilt of a meal was weaved together with Dad, Darren, and Chase. A boisterous visit with Grandpa and Aunts and Uncles resulted in ribbons of bright laughter. Fullness of family and friendship lulled me to slumber in peace. A note to Land Down Under wriggled through cyberspace, "remember that Khloee and the Easter Bunny love you." A reference to his four-year old self listing the most dedicated loves of his life. He is on high adventure at the moment. A three-week safari through Australia... the Murray River, Ayers Rock, Alice Springs, the Daintree, Melbourne, the Great Barrier Reef, the Gold Coast, and many more. We receive notes about our land. "A lovely boy" - "What a thoughtful young man" - "A great conversationalist" - "a super addition to our team." And I see him through new eyes. A good heart... independent... driven... I miss his face. Why do you learn so much about someone when separate?

This song sung at Chase's fifth grade celebration, expresses everything: (oh, and I feel this way about both my children)

Child of mine, you are the wildest wind and the dearest dream
I will ever know.
Love's lasting light shines out from deep within this father's heart
As I watch you grow.

Child of mine, you are the break of dawn and the brightest star
I will ever know
Love's lasting light comes shining on and on from this mother's heart
As I watch you grow

There is a road, and that road is all your own
But we are here, you need not walk alone.
To face, not fear each coming new unknown
Is the way to lift your wings

Child of mine, you are the sweetest song and the greatest gift
I will ever know.
Child of mine, where spirits fly above there is but one
that belongs to you.

So let it grow and it will thrive on love
For it is love that sees us through

You have the hands that will open up the doors
You have the hopes this world is waiting for
You are my own, but you are so much more
You are tomorrow on the wing,

Child of mine.

- Bill Staines

march madness

2010-03-30T10:54:00.009-06:00

The flooded house caused more damage than at first thought... and being an older home other problems were uncovered as we peeled away the layers of wet soggy home. We have been living in a hotel for a month now. The excitement is wearing off. Darren said to think of it as Eloise at the Plaza. I thought of Coach Majerus speaking about the best thing about living in a hotel: "There's clean towels, my bed's turned down every night and there's a mint on my pillow, no matter what psychological or emotional crisis the maid's going through." It's not too bad. It is just exhausting. An onslaught of decisions to make each day. It is weird to be without "home." It feels lonely... no visitors, no family around.

I list the positives:
We are all safe and healthy.
We don't have to sleep in the dust and chaos.
The insurance pays for the accommodations.
I pretend I am living in a high rise in a big city, the desk manager my doorman.
I have breakfast everyday.
I can sit in the hot tub every night.
Room service is cool.

What I am really missing is a home-cooked meal. I can't wait for my new range with a 24" griddle. My mouth is watering waiting in anticipation.

What makes me happiest is talking to my two year old nephew 2-3 times a week. This makes no sense but the conversation goes like this.

me: hi mango (he loves this nick-name, go figure)
him: no, you are mango.
me: no, you are mango.
him: no, you are mango.
me: no, you are mango.
him: no, you are mango.
...continue for five or more minutes...
me: I am going to eat you up mango.
him: no, I am going to eat mango.
...continue...
me: I love you mango.
him: I love you mango. Where is you?
me: I am in Utah at my house/hotel.
him: can I go there?
me: anytime mango.
him: I miss you mango.
me: I miss you too mango.
him: no, you are mango.
...and so it goes...

...and I love it...

this song suits the conversation...

happy spring... pics from st. john coming soon.

what goes around comes around

2010-03-02T08:46:00.002-07:00

We have been in St. John, "where every day is different and every day is perfect." I came up with that motto all by myself. We went on another beach vacation with our friends the Anderson's. I'll post more about it later. I love the water and the moist air. We got home at 1:00am last night. A pipe had broke in our upstairs bathroom and ran for two days. A waterfall into the kitchen, and dining room, and sitting room. Arrrrghhh! As a pirate would say. Chase took care of moving the furniture and getting someone in to tear out the sheetrock and carpets. I'm left with the moist air and water. Isn't that what I wanted?

time since...21 months

2010-02-20T09:51:00.004-07:00

Darren's Hobble Creek Restoration: new life

I measure time by the day it happened. I say to myself, she has three months left. Did I smile with her that time? Did she run her fingers through my hair? Did she look at my children with that awe that was hers alone? Was I angry that day? I get stuck. I wrap my heart gently in brightly colored cloth. Protection. A happy outside image. Some days I let the rawness peak out from that gentle cover. Emotion. I feel you. It is tender. I ponder what the dialogue is for dad. Wrap it up tight. How could it possibly happen? Accident. It is a slicing word. Go back. How are you physically present one moment and then gone? Where did you go? I still hear your voice. You are so close. Stay. While I figure it out one more time, and then another, and yet another.

everyday blah blah blog

2010-02-10T12:11:00.012-07:00

My friend's beautiful daughter is theirs!!! She always has been, but the adoption is signed sealed and official. It has been nearly four years of agonizing court cases and character assassinations and... ahhh forget it. It's OVER. What an emotional few hours in the court room. The right thing finally happened. We all had faith that it would, however wavering at times.
I love you guys!

See this movie {above} if you have young adult men in your house and you can never agree on a movie to watch together. Doesn't sound like it would be interesting but it is very clever and it keeps their attention: a sort of afterlife tale much like the one below but DO NOT see this movie.
It is actually the closest I have come to vomiting during a movie. I have read Alice Sebold's Lucky and related to her story, but this movie version of her words was tiresome and sickening. It really made me hate her for writing it. Strong words, but it provoked strong emotions.

Yes, the Saints won the Super Bowl! Oh YES THEY DID! I love New Orleans... Bourbon Street and all. {Jazz at Maison Bourbon is the best} To quote my favorite New Orleans native, Harry Connick Jr. "It will be the best thing she ever saw, take her to the Mardi Gras."

...but did anyone else notice a repulsive theme to several of the Super Bowl commercials... such as whiny weak men in their underwear. Who wears underwear like that? I actually was missing the male chauvenist stereotype stereotypically objectifying women. Can you believe I just said that. The scene captured at the end with Drew Brees and his tiny son made up for it. That was a real man, father, son moment.

Land posted this on his facebook and it makes me laugh.

I miss when they {Land, Colton, Logan at 12} would sing the Andy Milonakis theme song at skate comps. Yeah, I'm shallow most of the time, but deep when I need to be.

And of course I must put the clip of the "winning team, losing team" chant at the Aggie game last Saturday when they played Nevada. Season tickets this year are the best deal in town. It's awesome at the Spectrum!

And another thing, it's almost Valentine's so I must post Bill the super Aggie fan posing as cupid, causing missed foul shots. I tell you - the student's at USU are brutal. It is a trip.

And have a good one!

super size

2010-02-05T12:01:00.003-07:00

This guy had a birthday and I tried the freezer paper stencils to create him a personalized shirt. That is Darth Vader in the star. It's so obvious.

well read wed.

2010-02-03T15:57:00.009-07:00

Sometime last spring I noticed a book tagging around with Land. At school, at night, in the car. It was Everything is Illuminated. I liked the title. I liked the bright colored cover. I did not think I would want to read it. I assumed it was in the same genre as Hairstyles of the Damned and the Electric Koolaid Acid Test [other books that have kept Land company - and don't get me wrong I like a good Tom Wolfe novel, just not that one]. We were at parent-teacher conference soon after and Land's English teacher asked if he was reading Everything is Illuminated. I so proudly piped in, "Yes." Well the reply amounted to: WRONG answer: he's supposed to be reading, Lord of the Flies after just finishing Go Ask Alice. I was instantly deflated, and understood why depression lurks among sophomores. How can you survive a Cache Valley 'worst air in the nation' inversion when you're immersed in Lord of the Flies? Seriously, I still get sick to my stomach remembering the storyline. So now my interest in what Land was distracting himself with piqued. I noticed the movie version on the discount table and picked it up. We watched it together. Unbeleivably good. So I read the book. And then I picked up the author's [Jonathan Safran Foer] next book, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Couldn't put it down. Close to finishing I was catching extra air in my breaths. Adreneline rush and anxiety about this inventive story coming to an end. So as the New Year began and I was putting together a resolution list I noticed that Mr. Foer had yet another book out, Eating Animals. Actually, I had picked it up long before, but had given it to my dad to read when he left his book on an airport shuttle. Like father, like daughter - I just left my latest book on the airplane coming home from Cayman.

Back to the book. Taken from the inside cover, "Eating Animals explores the many stories we use to justify our eating habits." Having a few food allergies [ie: dairy] I know I feel better when I eliminate animal products from my diet. But, oh have you ever tried to give up cheese, or bacon, or a really good steak. I kept hearing Antonio asking the vegetarians in Mexico while eating to die for carne asada, "Why do you deny yourselves the great pleasures in life?" To quote the text quoting Mark Twain, "quitting smoking is among the easiest things one can do; he did it all the time." That is how I have been in the past with a no-meat diet...'conscientious inconsistency.' Then I got further into the book. I was exposed to factory farming and slaughter house procedures: unimaginable. Land's host mom called me to ask about his diet and they said they did not eat pork because they felt pigs were intelligent creatures and they did not agree with how they are treated. I felt a bit ok that I knew a bit about what she was speaking of. I still struggled with the knowledge I had gained and if I was going to act on it. I underlined this sentence, "Whether we change our lives or do nothing, we have responded. To do nothing is to do something." And so I set a one month resolution, "Don't eat animals." And as of today I accomplished it. And I feel spectacular. I have cooked some good food that even the boys have loved... like mouth-watering, roll your eyes in the back of your head vegetarian faire. My skin is better. Weight is coming off. I think I'll renew this goal for month two of the year. Now this was my choice. I was influenced by a powerful storyteller who said, "...I'm not trying to convince people to live by my standards of what's right. I'm trying to convince them to live by their own."

Read Well:

Everything is Illuminated
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Eating Animals

all by Jonathan Safran Foer

I'll have to post some recipes. One other resolution I accomplished was to take my own bags to the grocery store. Easy. Plus Smith's Marketplace pays you 5 cents per personal bring-your-own bag.

we have been as long as we have not

2010-01-31T11:06:00.008-07:00

dive, sit, enjoy, dive, sit, enjoy

master of the ironshore

smooth wave surprise

7 mile beach

Psycho the eel

Scuba Darren

Flying with the fish - this is why I like to scuba

Stingray love

DeAnn and Spencer feeding stingrays

Night dive - Darren and Spencer

Brothers

Abandoned beach

Manly Mini Car

10 days ago Darren and I marked our 22nd anniversary... a sentimental milestone because this one represents the moment in our timeline that we have been married as long as we have not. We were scheduled to getaway to the Dominican Rebublic with his brother, but then the tragic earthquake happened in Haiti and we needed to switch up destinations in order to not be in the way of relief efforts. We chose Grand Cayman. Nice weather, nice people, nice diving. I am oh so spoiled.

Land Down Under: He has been swimming, surfing, boogie-boarding, skateboarding, sailing, city-exploring, ferry-riding, schooling, friend visiting and many more. So far, loves it.

always trust your cape

2010-01-19T13:40:00.011-07:00

Land is flying. He should arrive in Australia in a couple of hours after nearly 18 hours of plane time. I was hyper-nervous saying goodbye. I held up good and when I got home I cried and Darren held me. The photo above of with Land and my mom on the sidelines of Chase's soccer game sums it up. When he was 3 his dreams were to be a superhero and a hockey player. Every morning he would velcro that cape and I would pin the felt superman emblem I sewed for him to whatever outfit he selected. [Chase's friend Emil, chose a bumblebee suit as his 3rd year uniform] Land was never self conscious a bit... he was that fearless superhero. My children are weird, and I mean that in the kindest compliment way. They have this amazing ability to be themselves and explore different ways to navigate their journey. They don't follow the script as I did when I was young. It scares me and tickles my heart at the same time. I was in awe of Land as he went through security at the airport... all by himself. I was a little proud of myself that we encouraged him take this opportunity. I'll miss his humor, 'deep thoughts' and wise observations. I'll even miss his messiness. I'm sure he'll make the most of this. Southern Cross my fingers, get it. You know, after my mom's death it was Land who got my younger sis to laugh the first time, that abdomen workout, can't catch your breath laugh. He told Helen Keller jokes one after another, deadpan, at a restaurant. wouldn't let up. Maybe not the most appropriate, but at that time it was a gift to get us out of our debilitating grief, for just a moment.

A couple of years ago I was driving to my parents house and listening to NPR and had to pull over and write down the name of this song by Guy Clark. [Eric Bibb has a good version too] Described Land perfectly:

"he is one of those who knows that life is just a leap of faith
spread your arms and hold your breath and always trust your cape"

Ksenia had a birthday

2010-01-13T15:32:00.004-07:00

Ksenia, Tammy, Maryam, Susie

These are the ladies who lasted until almost midnight. Incredible that women from such varied backgrounds {Ksenia is from Russia, Tammy from Florida, Maryam from Abu Dhabi and Susie right here in Cache Valley} can find so much in common to talk about, and talk about and talk about. Is that as similar and cleansing as a walkabout, I wonder? I am by far the oldest of the bunch and I snapped the photo so you can not compare my well earned wrinkles with these youngsters, but oh we had fun. I recall years ago in Montana on a retreat with other couples to a glacier view cabin. Us womenfolk urgently and loudly spinned our yarns, the men busy shooting pool in the basement; during a pause in the developing plot one gentleman inquired, "Where are the girls?" An answer floated up the stairs, "They're up there getting liberated, I can hear the hair on their legs growing." I think this morning some serious shaving occured.

it's what's down under that counts

2010-01-11T11:40:00.004-07:00

Well, we're 11 days into the new year. I had plans to make these updates regular. The holidays were mellow... I am not tired, but Land leaves a week from today to embark on six months in OZ. He will be an international student living on the Northern Beaches of Sydney. I'm not kidding when I say the high school is on the beach, and to top it all off the skatepark is next to the high school, on the beach. His host family seems wonderful, he is excited for this adventure. I am a nervous mother; a bit sick in the stomach at the thought of him leaving and simultaneously envious of this youthful opportunity. I am scattered and sleepless and just wondering how this will feel.

a Slayer t-shirt fit the scene just right

2009-12-30T10:37:00.005-07:00

It is snowing loads of white fluffy stuff. Skiing will be on the docket tomorrow, but for today I'm catching up on the loads of laundry, thinking about new year lifestyle changes, and making waffles with my new waffle iron - [I have a cool flip one just like you Jen]. I can't stop listening to this song, just like my niece's two year old daughter so thanks Echo... I've got a bounce in my step today.

Classic

2009-12-23T11:04:00.008-07:00

My sister's and I in the photobooth circa Kmart 70's. Mel so beautiful, as always, even with the stylin' lenses. Me looking a little disoriented - now I know where Land gets it, and Jen with a hint of deviousness and total focus, she looks just like her youngest urchin.

Now, if this doesn't put you in the Christmas Spirit nothing can. (Actually, this image rends me melancoly) First you have to feel for that Santa. I'm fairly certain that at five years old Chase weighed more than him. His eyes look so hollow and tired much like the you know you're a redneck camping tarp background. But I can't ever decide if Chase is brilliantly happy or if he is channeling Mr. Burns, "ex...cell...ent" plotting to take down the Wal-Mart St. Nick.

Fruitcake to a Caveman

2009-12-16T17:47:00.004-07:00

It is one of my craziest memories. A roommate and I tagged along with her brother-in-law to pay a holiday visit to a man living in a cave. Said pseudo-spelunker had worked some hours for said brother-in-law in exchange for a visit to the dentist to relieve a painful tooth. He was from the "north country" and there was even a guest room in the cavern. Surprisingly quite warm. Well, THIS made me laugh, (a friend directed me to this post). Apparently, the brother-in-law is still creating impressionable good times.

time since... 19 months

2009-12-14T19:41:00.007-07:00

Thanksgiving was fun. We made scrumptious food... way too much. My sister out did herself as hostess. My sons are pretty awesome through her sons eyes. The youngest two picked their favorites. It was action and noise all weekend long. A game of football took place before dinner with the neighbors, we lost the potatoes and had to sneak in a quick trip to the grocery to tag in some replacements. Darren actually ate the sweet variety, first time... and more than one serving. I attempted a recipe that called for Gruyere cheese and not marshmallows and it was oh so nice. After dinner and before pie we all hopped in the car and went to Seal Beach Pier to "walk it off" The colors were kodachrome as the sun went down and Catalina was so clear, looming on the horizon it seemed you could walk right on over. We played in the sand, the young boys jumping, rolling, running with abandon. Dad took a thousand pictures. We were lighthearted, escaping the heaviness that sometimes settles in with the holidays.

Three days later my little sis calls. It's her birthday and her husband forgot in the morning. She tried to blow it off. I know how living with only men can be. Not to be rude but I'm certain it is genetic for the other half to be self-absorbed. She never gets a break. Do you see the pictures up there? That is how it is for hours a day at her house... wild little creatures... now turn up the volume... escalation... whoa. I love those boys; when I'm not around them I ache, but they are as my grandma Hazel used to call my sisters and I, "little buggers." They had sang happy happy birthday to her, but she was hurting, not because of her husbands slight, but because my little sis, probably the closest and most dependent on my mom, missed her mother deeply on this the day of days the one when she was born. She cried heavy, heavy sobs. Couldn't get through the phone line to hold her. Can't take the place of her mother. How? Why? How? Why? There are no satisfactory answers at this moment. I'm figuring them out moment by graceful, ungraceful moment. Crazy, but our lives are incredibly full.

mexico rewind

2009-12-07T15:18:00.004-07:00

Photo was in my email today from Chase and Darren's new friend Boris from Switzerland. They swear this dolphin made sure they were all watching and then jumped up and smiled at them as they were crusin' along in the panga.

Baja SEE Turtles Nov. 2009 from David McGuire on Vimeo.

Just got this link from Chase and Darren's adventure to Baja last month, I'm telling you... it is amazing! Nice backflip Darren. I wish I hadda been there this year but it is still so jaw-dropping beautiful to see the photogs.

flair maker

2009-12-04T15:45:00.006-07:00

I spend my days 'making things' - you should see what I have been working on for my little sis - out a control, but for now check out the 'flair' I put together for Megan. Simple simon; tiny paper circles cut from a magazine and Land's button press and you're ready to go. I'm really into packaging lately as well. Check out this from "Nice Package." Hey, it's a pun... get your mind out of the gutter

Stay Classy Max!

2009-12-02T09:15:00.011-07:00

Update: "Thou Shalt Not Hate"
Just got back from the game. My head is cleared out of any remaining sinus congestion left from a Thanksgiving cold. It is LOUD in the Spectrum. Make you dizzy decibel pounding loud. The Aggies won. My favorite was the signs... clever, clever youngsters. Somewhere in this cell phone pic you can locate a sign that reads, "are we 'classless' yet?" To quote Stew Morrill, the Aggies head coach, "the signs come out, the craziness comes out, the guy takes off his shirt. Hell, it all happens... Whatever it takes... It is as good as it gets in college basketball."

Earlier: I'm a Cougar Fan, especially football, I have beaucoup de respect for the head coach and his family, but can't say that I have ever appreciated Max Hall much. What quarterback racks up yards and yards of personal foul penalties when you're ahead... and who rants on about the losing team and their entire university in two year-old temper tantrum fashion? Tonight is the BYU-USU basketball game at USU. If Max thinks Utah fans are "classless" wait until the "HERD" lets loose on the Cougs. Ruthless... gone rogue. Once again my two alma-maters match up. I'm taking my earplugs. Can't Wait.

Link to video here

Thanks!

2009-11-24T09:01:00.004-07:00

Change, uncertainty, mystery...
Thanksgiving was my mother's holiday. (well, Easter too) For 25 years the family has gathered at her home for the thankful feast.
We are heading to Long Beach tomorrow morning.
A new start for the holiday season.
Little nephews adoring their grown-up cousins.
Laughter, nostalgia, chaos, ocean breezes, food, goodness, gratefulness.
Embrace.
Enjoy.

photo via: seal beach

adventures of the young

2009-11-22T13:51:00.007-07:00

Chase and friends left Logan at 3am yesterday morning to board a bus in SLC bound for Seattle for the MLS championship. He'll see Landon Donovan and Beckham, but around here we keep our eye on Kyle Beckerman (right) and Nick Rimando (left - he's a Real Keeper - pun intended). They "couch surfed" for accomodations and will get back on the bus immediately after the game to come home. Why does this sound like a good time to me? Ole, Ole, Ole...... for REAL!

I was not feeling well and was irritable and not fit for conversation. I was not showing my best side getting after Land for a messy room and dirty socks lying around. He looked at Darren and remarked, "At least one thing Mr. Peck (his favored 1st and 2nd grade teacher) taught me I know as absolutley true, 'If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy'." I went and got in bed.

photo via: mlsnet.com

Update: It's REAL: Real Salt Lake MLS Cup Champions! At the beginning of the broadcast showing the "march to the match" it was all Chase on ESPN.

smile

2009-11-19T11:07:00.013-07:00

These made me happy:

Robin's Clogs by kotki dwa from kotkidwa on Vimeo.

Wouldn't it be a riot to cut and paste and film and sing and create this bright animated universe. I think I found what I want to do when I grow up. Via: Hattie Newman

Go here to view the next video.

Since there are obviously only boys, sans the mom, at my abode we have always related to Malcolm in the Middle. Land and I were watching this episode together and when I witnessed the Komodo 3000 I started laughing so hard drool was coming out of my mouth. Land just looked at me puzzled wondering what I had been consuming. It is therapeutic to be overtaken by a gut-wrenching giggle every now and again.

plus... a meteor lit up all of Utah late Tuesday evening and I once again thought of the Komodo 3000

found

2009-11-11T12:25:00.017-07:00

really, who gets this remarkable opportunity - this is not an aquarium

no good vacation lacks delectable food

swimming out to the bay with Ila, Chilango, Pepenino, and Dune (releasing the turtles)

My turn at charades (hint: crabby)

morning Obama yoga - "breathe the hope"

Pacific Ocean - now that's a beach

Walking from the well to our camp at Espiritu Santos

true vacation - chillin' in the evening

to quote David Spade, "turtle"

Taking measurements

sand dollars on the dunes

Darren and Tessa playing on the dunes

hard to find the words

The whales accompanying us to Los Islotes

Arriving... with little sleep after having a panic attack getting across the border in Tijuana

Saying farewell to our friends from the sea

Me and Chilango

Turtle Guy didn't show up again this year. So who's the real turtle guy... of course Darren

Playing charades before breakfast... can you guess? (hint: sea lion)

This photo cracks me up.

To read the post from last year click HERE

I just FOUND (on the 11th Month, the 11th day, at the 11th hour) an email from Antonio...

"You would not believe what just happened to me. I was sitting doing some work in my house, on my computer. I have to say that normally I was supposed to be outside on the boats, but today I decided to stay and do some work I needed to finish. Suddenly I heard someone shouting my name. I have a friend here at the school that always shouts at me like that, but he is not at the school right now, so I thought it was weird. I went out of my house and to my surprise Darren was running around the school shouting my name, like some crazy guy, jajaja.

I was really happy to see you Darren, I feel sorry that we could not even have a drink together and talk a little bit about Utah, the rivers, the dam dams... I hope we can see each other some other time, meanwhile I am really glad our friendship is still going.

See you later Dee and Darren."

You see we made a really good connection last year with those on the trip with us, especially with Antonio, he was so interesting and genuine and funny and deep. I'm so pleased Darren was able to see him, however briefly, and that Chase was able to meet him. They are off to Espiritu Santos today to swim with sea lions on Veteran's Day. I have hung the flag, Finally FOUND the pics of the turtles, learned the data we helped collect is showing that turtle populations in Baja are rebounding, was told the group this year named a turtle "Dee", and received an unexpected happy message from Emily on my phone... I FOUND much to be grateful for today.

Salude: a note to myself...

2009-11-06T11:00:00.016-07:00

Melissa, Tessa and I riding the panga.

Vigilantes = Vigilant for the sea turtles

Approaching our camp on Espiritu Santos

I must admit I adore how the chairs are all set up to face the sea. We spent many many mezmorizing hours watching the pelicans dive, the sun set, and the moon rise from this spot. Not to mention fabulous food cooked from scratch from our very own crew.

Setting the turtle nets in Magdalena Bay

Getting to know our "Shell Island" in Mag Bay

Darren + Hammock = Happiness (at the School for Field Studies in Puerto San Carlos)

Unbelievable: swimming with sea lions at Los Islotes

The day after the election loading the pangas in Puerto San Carlos.

Max and I in the back of the van. I don't know how he can read because I became carsick.

Hiking through the rocks on Isla Espiritu Santos

I love pelicans

This little crabby seems to be saying, "welcome to my kingdom!" {that's for Echo}

note to self:

I voted in the municipal elections last Tuesday. I get excited for voting day. One friend calls it sacred. Another friend is now on the city council. Her cousin married my cousin. I am intrigued with her desire to serve in public office. Even here, in our small town, differing parties of thought are on a polarizing path. It's ugly, rude, mean and I believe damaging. Inciting the masses to be "armed and dangerous" is just mind-boggling. Vote, form an opinion, stand for something and RELAX. Have some fun. Enjoy discussion and debate. Respect. {I'm giving myself advice I have a tendency to become overly emotional when involved in politics} One year ago, Darren and I were in Mexico on election day. We had no radio or television or technical contact with the state of the results. All those in our party were wearing red white and blue sensing the excitement happening in our home country to the north. Later that evening we were shuffled back to town where a few of us went to a tequila bar to grab a bite to eat and watch the returns. The bartender was switching between CNN and Dumb and Dumber in Spanish. Finally, even the locals said, "no more dumb and dumber." Now for me that statement had double meaning and we laughed and toasted to Mexico and the election and to the USA and gave thanks for our incredibly blessed lives. That trip to Baja was magical. Something about the light and water and warm air and the people. Darren and Chase left yesterday to participate in the same adventure this year. I'm staying here with LandO. I'm so ecstatic for them and yet want to be there at the same time. I am a big believer in Mom and Son and Dad and Son get-aways, but oh the turtle tour in Baja is not to be missed. Last year Antonio wrote an article for a Mexican environmental travel magazine. This year the Nature Conservancy is tagging along and turtle guy will be there in person. {I have a total "thing" for the turtle guy} I have to remind myself what Bill Maher said about Obama, "Remember folks, he's not your boyfriend." It's just that he looks good, seems to have a great time and loves sea turtles. Hey, he is the reason we went on the trip in the first place. Chase and I heard him speak at Bioneers. And this gets me round about to my point at the beginning of this story. RELAX, stand for something and enjoy the journey!

note: I posted some random photos from the trip. I can't find any of the turtles or the magnificent sand dunes and thousands of sand dollars on the beach at Mag Bay. Darren and Chase will have to add some new ones to the collection.

boo

2009-10-31T21:45:00.002-06:00

Aren't we the festive couple? It was a gorgeous fall day in Cache Valley. Darren's in the background carving some awesome pumpkin... I'm just back from a jog a resembling a real witch. Trick or Treat? PS: I know it is late, but we have full-size candy bars at our house and not a lot of candy grabbers -- what's up with that?

remember

2009-10-30T18:01:00.002-06:00

Can't stop stitching. It is crispy cold and blustery outside and I have an ear infection. Megan's grandpa passed away and she is far away in Arkansas. I whipped up a mini-quilt. It has sunshine and a mountain and a heart full of love - the things her grandpa was surrounded by here at home. I put a little pocket on the back and tucked in a copy of the obituary and some fall leaves that fluttered to the ground the day he died. She can add her own little tokens of remembrance if she feels. Just something to keep warm her good memories of her grandfather.

slow stitch

2009-10-28T14:22:00.006-06:00

A first quilt. Funny dancing man fabric purchased in Portland years ago with my mother. Intended for Land, but he quickly grew before I decided on a project. [:Lemon, if there are two things I'm certain of one is you're never going to finish that quilt: quote from 30 Rock:] This one I did; complete it that is. I soaked up inspiration and instruction from this book and wrapped it snug with I Love Dirt and left over bias tape. It was a super gift for this young man. I am slow at almost everything. Running, blogging, drafting, dishes, knitting... and quilting is just another of my snail's pace activities. It used to bother me, but hey, Chase once described my family as slow food and Darren's kin as take out fast and we all know that slow food is better [:ha:ha:] So I'll just keep creepin' along.

10/20 + L& = 17

2009-10-20T21:09:00.005-06:00

The Land-man is 17 today. We took him to see the real Mr. Dylan last night at SaltAir. I thought he was dressed appropriately considering the occasion. He and Bob had matching hats. I love that he is holding a pillow because he knows it will be a late night and he gets no mercy in missing school for your birthday from his parents. It was a great time. The range of ages and craziness were in attendance, but overall an appreciative crowd. Wow. I can't believe my Land is almost an adult. Time just keeps on moving, "Like a Rolling Stone."

note: I am so into the 'rot your stomach' tacky, store bought birthday treats lately. Land says he'll eat them all himself... he better hide them from his momma while he is at class.

live like luke

2009-10-19T13:35:00.002-06:00

I love all my nephews, but Friday night this little fellow captured my heartstrings and pulled them in tight. He was so over the moon that I would be able to watch him play flag football. He would say, "I will play really good for you Aunt Dee" and that he did. But it wasn't the technical know-how that got me, no, it was the unabashed joy. The clapping before setting up each play. The "ready, set, hike" loudly shouted when he was quarterback. The jumping, the running just to run and move and be free. The holding the flag up high when pulled from a competitors belt and the eagerness to return it to a new friend. But what I liked most was the taking time out from the intense four year-old play to wave at me, make certain I was noticing HIM, flashing a thumbs up sign as he walks, no struts, down the field. 'As a little child." I want more of that in my everyday.

I run 13.1

2009-10-14T10:42:00.002-06:00

Family descended on our fair town of Logan last Friday. A nephew was married in the Logan Temple. We had a wonderful time visiting and and catching up and falling behind on sleep. On Saturday morning we took off to Heber City for the last soccer game of the season and then picked up a metal shard in the tire on I-15 on the way to the airport. We made it to the dealership just barely on the rim and they loaned us a car to get me to the airport.

I flew into Long Beach and loved up my nephews, talked with my sis til early in the wee hours of the morning and then woke at 4:30am and had her drop me at the Long Beach Convention Center. I ran another half-marathon. One second per mile faster than the last one. Wow! You know, I am soooooo sloooooow, but I can keep on running. I love the fact that the only thing you have to concentrate on is putting one foot in front of the other -- for two + hours. This race was incredibly upbeat. Over 20,000 racers. Bands playing at the mile markers. Thousands of people cheering you on. Running on the boardwalk next to the sand and shore. The announcers were hyper and happy and loud. It was inspiring to watch others cross the finish line. It didn't matter how fast they came in. Bestest friends collapsing in a hug after accomplishing a mutual goal. Mile wide grins and Tiger Woodsesque fist pumps at stepping over that end line. And I felt good. At 10 miles I was all into the positive self talk and was like, "Let's finish this thing." When I reached mile 11 the first marathoner was heading to the finish. I think I like running - who would've thunk it?

2009-10-07T17:17:00.002-06:00

Best Wedding Slideshow Ever from Olde English Comedy on Vimeo.

My sister just called and directed me to this video on aol. For some reason it reminded her of me. Can you figure out why? Other than my nephew gets married this Friday in Logan and we are hosting a multitude of family. Awesome.

friday night lights

2009-10-07T03:40:00.006-06:00

Three weekends in a row we have attended football games. Last Friday my two alma mater's faced off. We invited my dad this time and were lucky enough to score 50-yard line tickets from a good friend... the best part being able to visit with her family before the game. And then of course my dad knew everyone. These cell phone photos are not the greatest, but they show enough. Just before kickoff the light was just right highlighting the the quickly changing leaves on the mountainside and the massive crowd filing in. Some where in the blur there is a WOMAN official. My dad remarked that she may be the first female official in the NFL. Now when I heard that I blurted out like a petulant toddler, "but that is MY job!" I always thought it would be cool, especially when we were in school. Get a decent salary working the weekends after taking care of kids and family on the weekdays. And then my family and I could have a secret gesture that they would notice when they saw me on TV "workin' it." I remember years ago watching my dad and the officials were in a huddle and Chase observed, "Look mom -- a bunch of grandpas!" Now somewhere in the future he may have to qualify that; making it politically correct by interchanging grandpa's with grandparents. I never thought it was a possibility. Oh another unique observation to this stadium was the "stroller check" -- only in Provo. You gotta love it.

what's going on

2009-09-30T11:27:00.005-06:00

My husband had "business" in SLC last week so I said I would come join him on Friday night. I cleaned up, put a nice pair of high heels on and kicked it for a night on the town. In my haste I forgot a brush, comb, and few other necessities. No worries. It was the "fashion stroll on broadway" Lots of funky do's and duds. We then ate scrumptious food at Bambara and went to Keys on Main to listen to the dueling pianos. We can't get this song out of our heads. The above photo of my shoes is not as scandalous as you might be imagining. I had blisters the size of quarters and I was recording a mugshot of the suspects. On Saturday morning we ate at Cafe by Rico, mmmmmm good... and then went home and walked up to the USU vs. Southern Utah game. Perfect weekend nights.

fall

2009-09-25T12:22:00.006-06:00

Dilemma: Landlocked backyard with a few dead rotting trees.

Solution: Call a former military man turned tree climber and his crew who derive absolute joy in knocking big heavy items to the ground.

Hick-up: A trunk full of not too happy you're destroying my home "Winnie-the-Pooh" bees.

whatever

2009-09-23T15:54:00.010-06:00

Una & Me

Just a little blah lately, well a lot. Megan left on her mission. My friend Una had to move back to Taiwan. BYU got pulverized against Florida St. My car was harassed again.

On the flip side:

Megan will be a great missionary... she is a strong young woman who is a survivor and loves people, makes friends easily and is joyful. And I write her a note every morning and send it off, so I'm getting my letter writing groove back.
Una brought me a thousand little gifts from "her country." Whistles, jewelry, soap, calligraphy, wallets, cell phone covers, coin clutches -- and much more. We had a good visit on our way to the airport and I have an open invitation to visit her in Taipei.
My good friend is the "coaches wife" and we were able to talk during the game. Plus, we took my father-in-law and were in the crazy student section and stood practically the whole game with 70,000 other fans.
People have volatile reactions to my car.... (I refuse to believe it is about me) the bright red attracts attention and the Obama sticker provokes temper tantrums. I was called all kinds of names at the dealership when I went to get the oil changed. Seriously, isn't "pinko commie" a bit redundant? Gives me a chance to not take it personally and practice my "dust off your shoulder."

alive @ dead horse point

2009-09-15T12:07:00.013-06:00

the lookout

in their own world

Darren + river = Darren

land - a double entendre

walking

cliffs

tree on the edge

sunset - the sunrise was even more spectacular

impressive pink, camping, mountain-biking ensemble

June in August

brothers

they're hard to get, but finally a pic of Chase

engaged

great-grandsons and a new stash of art paper - don't ya just love that koolaid mustache face

[returned] missionary Matthew

Utah is amazing. You could be at sup-alpine altitudes frolicking amongst the aspens in the morning and then within hours be breathing the dry desert air while taking in the red-rock sunset. In August we took part in an OO - Owesome Olsen adventure [inside family joke] at Dead Horse Point. Barren and beautiful. The boys camped out under the vast sky of stars; after witnessing a scorpion scamper past the campfire I was safely zipped in my tent. We mountain biked the new Intrepid bike trail, my brother-in-law was key in getting the trail complete and participated in the inaugural run with the now Ambassador to China former governor, Jon Huntsman, Jr. It was a new experience for me... pedaling on the slickrock and then through the sand. You really had to concentrate. We ate good food, told funny jokes, played wicked competitive games -- Olsen style -- and loved being together. Oh, are you kidding, there was no time for knitting.

I'm Being Followed by a Moonshadow

2009-09-09T16:41:00.004-06:00

So my birthday adventures continued into the late evening. An excerpt from Chip Ward's Hopes Horizon ignited a desire to keep track of the phases of the moon... a sort of rhythm to mark time, the tide, moods. I had noticed that September 4th was a full moon and requested a family moonlit hike to the Wind Caves. It was incredibly bright, no need to use the flashlights, dark defined shadows mimicked our steps along the mountainside. The canyon was full of last weekend of summer adventurers. The caves included flight shows from the bats. The boys enjoyed themselves. We heard Land singing as he hiked, Chase kept us from straying from the trail.

Saturday night we had our friends Steven and Doris (our first neighbors in Montana) over. Doris is big into soccer and we could get the Brazil vs. Argentina world cup qualifier so over they came. A few of Darren's soccer players came as well. I kept going from tv to tv to check the status of my alma mater BYU and Oklahoma. Oh Yeah! The Cougars won.

Monday was our traditional Labor Day gathering. We bbq'd loads of hamburgers to feed the loads of family that joined us. Darren set up the scuba gear so whomever chose to try it could. And guess what? My DAD DID IT. And liked it. Just think how he would feel under the sea with the colored little fishies and coral.

Good Times!

climb the wall

2009-09-04T20:05:00.006-06:00

It's my birthday today. And I tried something that really really scared me. My friend Scott took me rock climbing. With the illnesses and accidents that have surrounded me lately, I have gradually lost trust in this amazing gift of a physical body. Once my mind and spirit started healing I began to try and heal this tired bod of mine. I've pushed myself past the self-consciousness of body-image and have tried many a new thing.... surfing, running long distances, mountain biking on slickrock etc.

Back to the rock climbing. My legs would SHAKE uncontrollably and my heart beat hard the whole way up. I kept begging to come down and Scott kept saying, you can't come down until you get to the top. I was incredibly fatigued. My forearms were cramped. But, whoa, it felt good to go. all. the. way.

The boys and I are leaving right now for another birthday adventure at my request. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

blessed

2009-09-03T15:43:00.006-06:00

It was Megan's BIRTHDAY. She leaves in two weeks for 18 months to do missionary work in Arkansas. I took inspiration from Amanda Soule's Handmade Home and created a miniature banner. I also made a little bag to store it in. Maybe she can tuck it in her suitcase and pin it up for special moments or for a dash of color to brighten up tough days.

tou/2

2009-08-30T15:13:00.006-06:00

5:30am br (before race)

I did it. I ran (a misnomer) the Top of Utah half marathon. I finished in 2:23 something, very slow I know, but considering I did not work out for a year after my mom's death and in May I could barely run consistently for 10 minutes straight and I am not absolutely injured and achy the day after is a good thing, a personal miracle actually. I do owe a lot of it to my dear friend Megan. We met in March. She is half my age. She doesn't care. We have worked out all summer. Bike rides up the canyon. Hikes to the Wind Caves. Swimming. Lots of running. After work-out movies and lunch carbo-loading at the Olive Garden. She is an explosion of energy. Gregarious and full of light. She continually doled out compliments that only a 21 year-old can lead you to believe, "You'll rock this DeAnn." I don't think my family really understood that I was training for a 1/2. Last time I ran one in Moab it wasn't as successful, I was dehydrated, puffy beyond recognition (before the anaphylactic shock), and didn't feel well at all. This time around was actually quite emotional as I crossed the finish line. I thought of my mom, and all the trauma work I have completed the last few years and I think I felt "joy." I was not hungry - if you can understand that. Oh, one other bit of motivation was that my ipod playlist got stuck on the same song for the last one and half miles. It was the perfect pacer and I am certain I sang it out. Loud. Here it is: UY's Moments & Memories (by the way UY is my niece's husband's band and if you watch the video you'll see Land skipping and skanking at :44 and 2:36)

avoidance is positive reinforcement

2009-08-20T16:07:00.012-06:00

The children in the valley are going back to school. It is the first time in 7 years I am not preparing to greet students or be greeted myself. My seasonal rhythm is all out of whack. I have an ever increasing list of shoulds and coulds. I'm not doing any of them. I sort of feel bad, but hmmmm not bad enough? I fill the time otherwise reading things, watching things, and making things. I found some yarn in Cannon Beach. The colors of the coast. I knitted Land a beanie - it is huge, but he humors me and wears it regardless. I sewed the slouch bag out of the linen wool and cotton book. It is a pale green with orange topstitching, roomy enough to transport all my projects. I read Julia Child's, My Life in France. Into it. Encouragement gathered about never being too old to try. Saw the movie... Julie and Julia... with Darren... my chickflic buddy of late. It's taking me time, but soon I'll get into the swing of the seasons and start checking off those must do's with vigor and vim. I hope so. When did I become such a crafty homebody? This is not me... or is it? We are off to a family reunion in Moab. Shall I take my knitting?

mood swing

2009-08-18T15:04:00.007-06:00

We called this a "family portrait" The boys pictured and so many others become such close friends even though they live hundreds of miles apart. Mike, in the middle, gets as nervous as I do when his son Jade skates. Notice Land without braces - happened last Monday.

Saturday wake up was early 5:30 am. Concrete Rodeo Grand Nationals were in South Jordan (SoJo) Utah. Only a bit over an hour away. They have been in Hailey, Las Vegas, Portland and now they were close to home. Land had qualified in Oregon, at our own park in Logan, and won outright in Layton the week before. Skaters were coming in from all over the western states. We pulled up to the park in a soaking rainstorm, shivering until the water stopped, we went to get some hot drinks with some other skateboarders. Hours later, the park swept and squeegeed, the competition got under way. I glanced at the order and my stomach tied in knots. Land was 4th to go in between the best and most well-known skaters competing. I try not to get anxious during competitions, tell Land to "skate with joy" "do your best" "make friends". I understand logically that it really is out of his hands and mine for that matter, but I have hyperventilated during Chase's hockey games when he gets hit and skateboarding is only a touch lower on the nerve scale. Well, Land went out and laid down his best run of the year. It was beautiful. Put up the highest score of the day and won his age group. I stood cheering all the boys, and chatting with parents until 8:00 that night. I begged Darren to stop at Red Igauna on the ride home. I hadn't been able to really eat anything during the competition and their quacamole was calling me. Reluctantly, Darren consented, even to the 45 minute wait. As we were eating he says loudly, "Bob Campbell." And we turn around and our bishop from Missoula is eating at the table next to us. Now, Bob Campbell is one of the "good guys" in this world and we are fortunate to have him as a friend. He shared stories about his grandkids, and hiking, and work and listened to ours as well. The intensity of the day settled into satisfaction of a job well done and friends well cared for and a little bit of serendipity.

rejuvenation

2009-08-07T11:45:00.007-06:00

The mother and son road trip last month was loosely planned. We had originally intended to get down to Reedsport and Coos Bay for skate competitions, but once we hit Cannon Beach my road sore backside wouldn't budge. I know Haystack Rock is an iconic symbol of the Oregon Coast and it acted as if it were a gigantic magnet pulling us to stay... so we did.

Walks along the beach and trails through the seagrass were common activities of the day.

Weathered shingles are a favorite texture.

We enjoy the windblown trees and gray sea-worn wood of this bench built for passersby.

The ocean view in early evening.

Homey architecture abounds in the downtown.

Land sleeps soundly in the Garden Cottage at the Blue Gull Inn. I had my best nights sleep ever. We had the windows wide open with the sea breeze and water sounds lulling us drunkenly to dreamland.

The view from our front window.

Haystack Rock and the lifeguard tower.

I was really on the trip. Land took these photos... Experimenting with the fish-eye lens.

Foam and rock. Such a nice shot.

Wild winded tree.

Singular foxglove on the road to Indian Beach.

We ended the heavy summer days by warming ourselves by a beach fire.

Deep thoughts roasting mallows.

WoW

2009-08-01T20:31:00.003-06:00

Dad just sent me a night shot of his new landscaping.
Sigh, I couldn't think of anything to say.

SkaterMom [every skaterboy needs one]

2009-07-28T13:49:00.009-06:00

Land and I were planning a three-week odyssey through Montana, Washington, Whistler and Vancouver, and Oregon, but at the last minute the gathering in Whistler was canceled so we went for a week to Portland and the Coast. We stopped at all the skate spots we could. Land competed in Seaside, where we renewed acquaintances with a lot of the families we met in Whistler last year. One of a skatemoms favorite things: Friends along the way.

I didn't get any pictures at Burnside - Land took out a pro who was filming and he wanted to get outta there, in a big hurry, in a big way. Our first park was Pendleton. Cowboy town. I always try to think what the designers are envisioning - what type of line or trick the skaters can throw down. They are getting increasingly more creative and daring. Pushing the limits of what is possible.

The boulder encased in the concrete was clever.

The tranny of this extension is brick. It makes a deep, bumpy sound when the skateboard hits it. I crave the sound of grinding rails, coping, even just the wheels hitting the sidewalk cracks. If I was talented in music production I would compose a little ditty just of those sounds.

I was the appointed photographer on this expedition. Risking life and limb to get the shot.

This is my greatest talent. Climbing out of hot concrete skate bowls in flip-flops and a skirt. Top that.

I am the equipment manager as well. Camera bags, car keys, water bottles, pads, etc. etc. etc.

At Hood River a nice young man offered to take the pic of Land zooming over the opening. He was a real photographer and got the lighting and position perfect. So nice young man, if you ever see this please comment and let me give you credit for this shot. Check the intensity in Land's eyes.

Hood River was was a Hansel and Gretel exploration through the woods. All those 'sweet' skate spots the candy. The ramps and rails integrated into the landscape.

The bridge over the creek was made to skate.

It's all fun and games until someone loses a hip.

Can you tell I really, really like my car? Perfect roadtrip ride for a skatermom.

The minibowl at Lincoln City.

Lincoln City is one of those parks like Hailey, Idaho where "holy $#!* what were they thinking?" escapes your mouth. Land is barreling down the snakerun. Adrenaline rush happens just watching.

Frontside Air

In the door at Irrigon. I was like, hmmm Land you seriously want to carve over this.

We are trying to work out the best position to get a pic. Soon I will be where Land is and holding my breath hoping he doesn't fall and kick the board out.

In the cradle, over the door, no worries.

check that off the bucket list

2009-07-24T08:44:00.005-06:00

Indian Beach

Early Morning Surf Session - getting psyched to get in the water

Surf Instructor - Maile

Admire the form and the size of that wave

Seriously, I think I just wanted to have surfboards attached to our roadtrip car.

I get obsessed. After watching Step Into Liquid years ago I renewed my fascination with surfing... re-watched Endless Summer, Riding Giants, and now Surfwise. So when Land and I were on the Oregon Coast last week I signed him up for a surf lesson and the cool crew at Cannon Beach Surf encouraged me to join in over my protests of "I'm too old to learn to surf." I did it. I think I was so self-conscious and nervous that I didn't even feel the chilled Pacific water... the thick wetsuit helped too. Of course Land was expert at just popping up onto the board and riding the wave. It took me a few times but then I got it, thanks to our doctor-in-training instructor Maile and her dad. And... the next morning we went and tried it all by our lonesomes and viola' piece of cake.

It was absolutely head-spinning beautiful. That ethereal morning mist and refreshing cold water. We were at Indian Beach - the Goonies [an Olsen family all-time favorite] and Twilight were filmed here. When I turned the boards back in Mark at the surf shop said to me, "Rumor is you kicked @#$." They know how to flatter a lady. I was so thrilled to have done it, I am only just now feeling the sore muscles and acknowledging the creepy purple bruises all over my sides and butt. Maybe he had actually said you got your @#$ kicked.

So if you are ever in Cannon Beach Oregon, go visit the crew at Cannon Beach Surf. Really, they made a middle-aged housewife's trip. Gotta love their logo too.

this is for Nate

2009-07-19T21:00:00.009-06:00

I did find a beautiful handmade vintage dress here, just today... but I wouldn't have even pulled over if it were not for the name and the vivid memory of uncontrollable belly laughs coming from Nate and Darren over an episode of the Daily Show about five years ago. Oh, and isn't Land just precious posing in front of the sign.

ADDENDUM: I was showing the dress to a few friends and the boys told me to start playing my ocarina flute to summon my horse - they totally thought it looked like a costume from the Legend of Zelda. These boys incessantly harass their mother, and it makes me laugh.

my jogging trail is gone

2009-07-11T14:34:00.007-06:00

photo via ksl.com

This happened just a couple of hours ago. Crockett Ave. is a muddy river, all the houses' yards are lakes. I went to go jogging and was stuck in the mud. I am sad and overwhelmed at all the damage. I'm off with a broom and a "shuzzle" to go help clean up.

Update: Saturday at 6:30 They think a woman and her two children were in the house that collapsed. So so sad.

Update: Sunday, the boys joined a volunteer shift and shoveled soupy mud.

Update: Monday, they still have not found the bodies, Darren was allowed to walk near the breach in the canal and survey the damage. He is heartsick.

time since... fourteen months

2009-07-08T22:15:00.013-06:00

Two of my nephews married two wonderful young women nearly 18 months ago. Both of these new brides have recently lost their mothers. Unexpectedly, gone too soon. One, on Monday before a Thursday wedding, after standing in line accepting congratulations, they then spent their first day as a married couple accepting condolences at a funeral. And just this past weekend the other couple learned their mother didn't feel well while on a drive with her husband, pulled over, became unconscious, and never woke up. This type of shock is obliterating. I want to give her some gem of advice, but know nothing makes sense right now, robotic numbness, that tin-foil shell again. One thing I have learned is that relationships, even mother and daughter, keep growing and changing even when one has "passed on." That in the future there will be moments where memory doesn't take your breath away and tears are not burning, but cleansing.

Two weeks ago, right before my mom's birthday all her daughters were in town. We spent the day doing what we would have done if she were here... Hogle Zoo. This place is forever intertwined with memories of my mother. There she taught me how to roar like a mountain lion. We all have the layout of the zoo imprinted in our subconscious, and thanks to a mom who loved to take her children here we could walk through it in our sleep... and now we continue that memory by showing her family the same "happy place."

The blonde Italian rides.

Daughter and grandson take a round on the carousel.

He must get that riding pose from his mother. (former rodeo queen)

The great-granddaughter who rides only "on the bench"

Don't tell him it's not real.

Happy Feet.

Giraffe pattern, in case you didn't figure it out.

Granddaughter and great-granddaughter explore the tiger's swimming pool.

This guy just made me laugh.

Brothers check out the reptiles or is it a bird.

After only wanting to see the snakes one grandson proclaims, "If you see a snake like this at grandpa's then you go and tell your mom and then grandpa will chop it up with a shuzzle."

Grown-up granddaughter still likes to take a "walk on the wild side"

Gorgeous granddaughter and family

Mom's family, every age, all love the train at Hogle Zoo.

Mr. J. makes funny faces. (notice the little one in the back getting in on the action)

Grandsons spin the "water ball rock"

What a good day. I thought as I was leaving the gate, "Mom would love this." And guess what, I think she did.

2009-07-08T12:08:00.002-06:00

Watched Born into Brothels last night, amazingly beautiful while heart-wrenchingly sad at the same time. Becoming aware of situations that exist in the world rends you unable to turn away and avidly pulls you into action. I did read an update that Avijit actually attended high school in SLC at Rowland Hall. If you have a chance watch the film, it will change you.

(photo via here)

at the bird

2009-07-06T12:06:00.011-06:00

Darren and I spent the last four days of June at the Cliff at Snowbird. He had meetings for AWRA and I lounged at the pool on the 10th floor, had a massage at the spa and thoroughly relaxed and enjoyed myself. Many people complain about the Cliff being too cold, but the exposed concrete does it for me. It seems extremely Frank Lloyd Wright, quite organic, with the low ceilings giving way to the incredible 10 story glass atrium... "compression and release" is a FLW concept. It fits in and mimics the harsh granite and steep mountains it is nestled into. I also enjoy the Asian rugs and screens and accessories, and it is amazing that they have had "green" roofs since the 70's. It is very retro and very "now" at the same time.

Darren and I were engaged at the top of the tram, so this place has added meaning for us. Maybe it mimics our marriage as well. I think Snowbird's branding is exceptional, simple, geometric and eye-catching. I was hiking up to the top of the tram, but there is still too much snow covering the trails so I eased myself down to the waterfall and decided to throw myself across it. Hmmm, there went all the benefits of the body glow wrap I had had the day before -- I was completely muddy with bloody scraped knees.

The entrance to the Cliff entices me. It appears as if you are exploring a cave in the cool gray granite mountainside. An awesome mini-vacation.

take time

2009-07-02T13:22:00.009-06:00

I slept in today, woke up about the same time as my 16 year old. There is no rest for a mom who worries (bordering on paranoia) about a new driver out after dark. I cannot fall asleep until they are safe and sound at home and then begins the cross-examination (I believe it is supposed to be engaged conversation) about the nights activities. And then it takes a while until I settle down enough to actually drift off to dreamland. Said 16 year old went off to work in Bear Lake after wake up. I made myself a nice little brunch. Eggwhite omelet - actually scramble because I cannot flip an omelet, mango with tajin seasoning (love it) and tea. A little bird came for a visit and reminded me to relax a bit... Breathe, Sit Up Straight, Drink Water (my mantra for the past year). I stared at the overflowing flower box. It has been a nice morning into afternoon. Now my anxiety is kicking into gear because I haven't accomplished anything on my never-ending list.

this is old

2009-06-25T17:22:00.007-06:00

Chase turned 20 today. Hmmmm... I think I have a problem with this. Puffy pancakes for breakfast and toasts of orange juice for a fine transition from teenager to 20's. No one wants to look at the camera early in the morning, except apparently Darren. Isn't that cake atrocious? Rot your insides much.

He recieved a slackline for his birthday. Tried it between trees in the back yard. Now I'm hoping that once they get the hang of it I don't find videos on the internet of them scaling across some canyon thousands of feet up.

Happy Day Chase. Life is always an adventure with you.

ho hum

2009-06-24T09:42:00.002-06:00

I have been jogging a lot. And doing pilates. And lifting weights. Can't say it has changed me much visibly, but I feel better and stronger. I am stuck on Ani DiFranco on my ipod when I work out, especially this song:

HOSM?

2009-06-17T21:35:00.006-06:00

Hands On Social Media. I decided to attend a free workshop in Salt Lake last night sponsored by Microsoft Office Live and Kirtsy. I am now on Twitter [@anndeo] and am bookmarking with Delicious. Now to sign up with Kirtsy and use Office Live -- wishing I had known about this when I was working with an editor on my paper. The event was at Les Madeleines bakery and their mini cupcakes are as good as in my dreams [funny, I had dreamt of eating loads and loads of cupcakes piled with creamy frosting the night before]. Lots of creative and curious ladies were in attendance and there was a lot of learning going on thanks to our host Liz Stanley. There are more workshops scheduled, check here for one in your town.

independence

2009-06-12T11:12:00.003-06:00

Land received his driver's license yesterday and promptly drove himself to the skatepark to fly. I hope he doesn't try this with the car.

time since... thirteen months

2009-06-08T10:44:00.007-06:00

That unlucky number. Teenagers begin. Dangerous territory. But there are those who are always there to navigate through those treacherous times. They seem untouchable, impervious to the pain and struggles that some of us are tumbled into. Saturday, I met up with my next door neighbor growing up. It's always good to have a next door best friend. Someone to get in trouble with... someone to get out of trouble with... someone to tell your troubles to. We had a particular lady in our neighborhood who guided us through those turbulent years. She was our youth leader at church, but came to be so much more. She is ethereal, magical, moves through this world with grace. We babysat her beloved children. When she made cookies she always shared, said they didn't taste as good unless you sent a portion on to someone else. She had these kissing angels on the coffee table. When she was upset at her husband she would turn them away from each other a signal that they needed to "talk" and turn once again toward. She organized the playroom, something I was particularly fascinated by -- all the fisher price people in one colored can, the animals in another and so on, I looked forward to cleaning up after the kids so I could see those colored cans all in rainbow rows on the shelf. Her family became instrumental in some of the big decision in my and my husband's life. She is in my heart always. And Saturday, my next door best friend and I went to the funeral of her oldest son who had taken his own life. A wife and three children left lingering. But, oh my, the mother. I held on to her tight and stroked her hair. I recognized that tin-foil shell, a protection barely enough to get you through the worst moments. So painful to see her struggle and not be able to take any of it away. Her husband in the only word I can think of... shock. Saying to me, you know how this is, isn't this horrible, just horrible. I ponder often of our life stories, we just never know how it will be finished. Unimaginable. Mothers are so intertwined in our narrative. The strongest and yet the most vulnerable. I thought back to over the past year and how I have grieved -- for my mother, gone. And now I grieve for this mother. Facing that wall of uncertainty and questions never answered; why?

Second Sowing by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

For whom
The milk ungiven in the breast
When the child is gone?

For whom
The love locked up in the heart
That is left alone?
That golden yeild
Split sod once, overflowed an August field,
Threshed out in pain upon September's floor
Now boarded high in barns a sterile store.

Break down the bolted door;
Rip open, spread and pour
The grain upon the barren ground
Wherever crack in clod is found.

There is no harvest for the heart alone;
The seed of love must be
Eternally
Resown.

HD vision

2009-06-03T07:29:00.001-06:00

I used to see like this

And now I have HD vision.

Wow... the wonder of lasers.

multiball

2009-06-01T22:24:00.010-06:00

look at Carol the pinball wizard

Last week I had a little get together with everyone from work. You see, Dusty, pictured in the blurry cellphone pic is broke down in Boise at the moment on his way to his new home in Portland and this marks the end of an unlikely, but productive office partnership. I am really going to miss him... you get to know someone over the course of three plus years sharing a 10 by 10 workspace. That was one of my favorite things about going back to grad school and teaching. I felt young again... intimidated, competitive, creative. I was awestruck by the crazy talent of these young folk, Dusty especially. I will miss his playlists, and for that matter his lists, his tidiness, his advice for how to handle teenaged boys, his work ethic, his integrity, and his view on life. We overlooked our individual idiosyncrasies and respected and teased each other relentlessly. We have some incredible shared memories that cannot be replaced, notably the night at the Green Mill in Chicago with Motoki and especially the day we picked up Karim Rashid in Salt Lake and drove him to Logan for his presentation. We were both extremely nervous. We had studied everything about him... how to pronounce his name, his design biography. I knew about his tatoos and their secret language meaning, I bought some of his O chairs off of Craiglist and put them in the office. Dusty knew he was a DJ. We talked the entire way. Karim thought Dusty was amazing, he kept forgetting my name (he did say my face was familiar). Not many people can say they have driven for a couple hours with the designer of the Dirt Devil Kone.

Anyway, back to the get together. We all came with a presentation of advice for Dusty. I showed him how to fold a t-shirt like they do at the Gap and then we autographed it jr. high style with Sharpies. We had a great dinner and then played a heated round of pinball. I reprimand my son's for participating in "imature" guy talk. Well, it disinegrated into "imature" jokes... mostly about balls. I laughed hard. Good Riddance Dusty (in the good green day time of your life way, "not in a creepy weird way").

memory

2009-05-25T22:08:00.005-06:00

6:00 am wake-up call
8:00 am breakfast at Dad's -- uncles and aunts and grandpa
10:00 cemetery
11:00 program -- taps is played
12:00 cemetery
1:00 lunch at the Brown Residence -- great food, great family, great prayers, great day!

it's hard to believe...

2009-05-22T11:47:00.008-06:00

This innocent creature, who is useless as a Labrador retriever because she can't swim, could be the cause of this backyard adventure...

Khloee walked on the winter tarp to the pool before we had cleaned it thoroughly. We found her standing on the pool stairs unable to move {let me say again - she is a Lab afraid of water}. I had to climb in and guide her out and Chase and Darren "scubaed" in the unheated skanky leaf water to retrieve all the sticks so they wouldn't clog the pump. Isn't the dog supposed to do that? I love how Chase didn't let the air out of the drysuit -- he's here to "pump, you up." He also didn't wear any insulation under the drysuit therefore counteracted the purpose. He didn't last long. Darren on the other hand, was the hero of the day, he is still complaining, but would not get out of the water for over an hour. What is that Seinfield episode about cold water?

time since... one year

2009-05-15T15:27:00.013-06:00

two intertwined knots in the center of the celtic pattern on her headstone signifying they are forever as one

Ten days and one year ago I had left my friends after exiting the Staten Island Ferry to go wandering through Soho in NYC. The last photo I took was of a policeman on a horse, the click, click, click of the hooves on the cobbles made an unusual sound for New York. I went around the corner and bought some clever earrings from a little design studio and then dropped into a store to buy a pair of purple jeans. As I was purchasing the pants, Darren called, graveness in his voice, and said I needed to be alone. I shouted back - is this about the boys? No. Is it Erica? No. I'll call you right back. Shakily I completed the transaction, went outside, sat on the dirty sidewalk and rang him back. As he told me what had happened... Your mom and dad were working at the new house and a terrible accident occurred while your dad was driving the tractor and your mom was killed... it was as if a time warp happened and I could picture the story unfolding as it took place. He asked me if I could get home. I said yes. He asked if I could give him my sister's number. I couldn't think. He said the number slowly and asked if that was correct. I said yes. At that point, I had stood up. Something intuitive and incredibly strong had taken over my mind and body. I had to get home. He had to be so very frightened for everyone, but he was incredibly calm and gentle as he told my mother's daughters about her death. He was in Salt Lake, Chase was in Nevada, Land was in Logan, I was in New York. I took off running and crying and groaning. Not knowing what direction I was going -- I just knew I had to get home. I ran down into the subway, but then thought a taxi may be better and ran back up to the street. A newstand man came and grabbed me by the shoulders shouting in my face in a thick accent, "What's wrong with you why you crying?" I yelled back there's been an accident, I need to get home my mom is dead. He was panicked and pointed to an intersection where I would have better luck getting a taxi. I ran, again disoriented... uptown, downtown, midtown. I was running in the street yelling for a taxi to stop. Begging, please, please stop. A young women - so kind - tried to help me find a open car. Rush hour. No Luck. She suggested I go back to the subway. I had to ask to be buzzed through the gate, twice. I couldn't figure out which platform to stand on. The trains, the people, it was all a blur; all I could hear was the grief in my heart. I think it was creaking, maybe close to breaking. This was the beginning of my identity as a motherless daughter. Eventually I ended up on the plane. Amidst a rowdy baseball team. A loud young man asked where I was headed. I said to the hospital, there has been an accident. He offered, "I hope it turns out all right". It doesn't look so good. I put on headphones and turned the volume up loud attempting to drown out the questions in my head. I remember Survivor being on the TV... it was Thursday night. I fell into a surreal daze. I can't recall anything else about the airplane. I drove myself to the hospital. Chase did too, he had a similar experience catching a plane to get home from work in Nevada, he had spent so much time with his grandma and grandpa recently helping them with the house. A gift. Grandma loved he and Land unconditionally. What amazing young men I have around me. Land had been sitting in a chair next to my heavily sedated father since early in the evening. Not saying anything but "being there" when my broken bewildered father woke agitated and so so sad. Land was immovable. He stayed there all night, unwilling to leave his grandfather's side. I am in awe. Most times I am not the grown up in this family. I fitfully rested on the hospital floor. Shock.

Still shock 12 months later. We went to the cemetery that morning. Swirling brain again on seeing her name on the headstone. Time is relative. Is that cliche? I don't think so. I cried so incredibly hard. I looked at the pictures and can hardly recognize myself. Darren sat cross-legged in front of the grave, talking to her - she loved him - and he misses her deeply. I hugged my dad and we sobbed together. I thought, this is something he will never get over. How can you? You just find another way to BE in this world. It was a beautiful day...


GLORY be to God for dappled things—
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout (salmon) that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough;	5
And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:	10
Praise him.

do:ology: the study of what I'm doing

Remember to go to the new blog... I MiSS You

Go Here for a New Post

well read wednesday

my heart

well read wednesday

life is what happens when you're not blogging...

ottoman marathon

it's just the way I feel

thanks-living

Bye Bye Khloee - Good Dog

Cheers!

cut short

ReMix

Salute

soccer, as in life

How do they do it?

dunc's big swim

shared experience

Holy. %&*^$. #(@*.

Happy Trails

Kickflip

I believe...

life aquatic down under down under - preview

random pics of an important day

home again home again jiggity jig

I'm Keen

friday afternoon

memorial day

flashback

duck, duck.... duck

time since... two years

living in a tree

laundry list

zoola tana

child of mine

march madness

what goes around comes around

time since...21 months

everyday blah blah blog

super size

well read wed.

we have been as long as we have not

always trust your cape

Ksenia had a birthday

it's what's down under that counts

a Slayer t-shirt fit the scene just right

Classic

Fruitcake to a Caveman

time since... 19 months

mexico rewind

flair maker

Stay Classy Max!

Thanks!

adventures of the young

smile

found

Salude: a note to myself...

boo

remember

slow stitch

10/20 + L& = 17

live like luke

I run 13.1

friday night lights

what's going on

fall

whatever

alive @ dead horse point

I'm Being Followed by a Moonshadow

climb the wall

blessed

tou/2

avoidance is positive reinforcement

mood swing

rejuvenation

WoW

SkaterMom [every skaterboy needs one]

check that off the bucket list

this is for Nate

Holy. %&^$. #(@.